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Writer's pictureJennifer Abbott

I am not the same mom I was before breast cancer



It’s the most common cancer and second leading cause of cancer death among Canadian women according to the Canadian Cancer Society and breast cancer is most common in females over the age of 50 years.


So what does this have to do with pregnancy and postpartum? The thing about cancer is that it doesn't really care about age - it can be diagnosed at anytime regardless of age or where you're at in your motherhood journey.


"I was in shock. How would I tell my family? Am I going to die? Who will take care of my kids? So many unknowns were filling my head so fast. My first worry was that I can’t leave them."


Meet Trina. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 43 while raising two teenagers. She has bravely shared her story and experience of going through diagnosis and treatment from the perspective of being a mother.


"When I was 43 our world was flipped upside down when I was diagnosed with breast cancer on January 5, 2015. I was married with two teenage kids. My son Taiden was 13 and my daughter Kyleigh was 16.


I will never forget that day. I was in shock. How would I tell my family? Am I going to die? Who will take care of my kids? So many unknowns were filling my head so fast. My first worry was that I can’t leave them. So I decided that I WILL survive this so that never happens.


My daughter was in the middle of final exams for her last year of high school, and my son was in his first year of starting high school when I was diagnosed. Kyleigh struggled with some of her exams and was stressed about graduating. Taiden was very worried and didn’t show it to anyone. They are both so much like me. I knew they were terrified about what would happen to me and to them if I didn’t make it.


My kids and I became a whole lot closer. Something like cancer can bring you together or it can tear you apart. Me and my kids survived stronger than ever, but I can’t say the same about my marriage.


There is never a convenient time to get cancer and it doesn’t discriminate either. I never saw it coming. There was nobody else in my family who had ever had breast cancer. I thought I was a healthy 43-year-old. What I didn’t know was that stress coupled with anxiety is a very bad combination and my body couldn’t stay in fight or flight mode for years and come out unscathed, so it created cancer and ulcerative colitis."


"Chemotherapy almost killed me. My body was dying. I was 110lbs, frail, bald, and vulnerable. I can only imagine how terrified my kids were to see me this way."


In Canada, the 5-year net survival for breast cancer in women is 88%. This means that about 88% of women diagnosed with breast cancer will survive for at least 5 years after their diagnosis. Keep in mind that this rate is not specific to the type or stage of breast cancer, but an overall survival rate and only apply to the first diagnosis of cancer.


The lifestyle-related risk factors for breast cancer have similarities and differences compared to other types of cancer. Similarities include alcohol consumption, obesity and not being physically active. More unique risk factors are related to not having children, not breastfeeding, the use of hormonal birth control and hormone therapies after menopause. The evidence to support these risk factors is varied and difficult to specifically tie back to breast cancer. The risk factors that you cannot change include being born female, inheriting certain genetic changes, family history of breast cancer, race and ethnicity. So while there's really no way to predict the occurrence of cancer, there are things you CAN do to decrease risk like exercising, drinking alcohol in moderation and managing stress or anxiety through ways that fit your lifestyle.


"I really tried to be strong for them, to assure them that I would kick cancer’s ass and that I would always be there for them no matter what it takes. There were days I had my doubts, and I had some dark times when I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through all of the surgeries and treatments, and I just about didn’t. Chemotherapy almost killed me. My body was dying. It was at its highest toxicity level it could barely withstand, and it couldn’t sustain my last treatment, so they cancelled my last chemo. I was 110lbs, frail, bald, and vulnerable. I can only imagine how terrified my kids were to see me this way. They seemed so strong. I know they were so scared. We all were."


Trina shared some details of her surgeries and treatment with me in conversation - these included a double mastectomy that she was initially told was the only intervention needed, followed by 15 chemotherapy treatments due to the discovery of cancer cells in lymph nodes and then eventually a double breast implant procedure that involved multiple surgeries and procedures to stretch the skin tissue to allow for implants. I truly had no idea that the procedures and surgeries don't end with completing chemotherapy - there's the whole other side of reconstructive surgery (if chosen) that impact anyone who's withstood cancer treatment.


"And I survived it all! I had a new lease on life. I know it sounds cliché, and it’s true. Life is short. Stop and smell the roses. Be grateful for the life you have, with everyone and everything in it. I am not the same mom I was before cancer. I used to get mad all the time. My patience and my temper were short. What I have learned was it wasn’t worth my energy to keep getting mad over the small stupid shit the kids would do. I figured if I was going to die, I wanted it to be enjoying and appreciating my time with them. I didn’t want to worry about if their homework was done, or their rooms were clean. Those were instantly very trivial and pointless things to be mad about. In the grand scheme of it all, it was all small shit that didn’t seem so important anymore. Their world wouldn’t end if their chores weren’t done that second, or if they didn’t want to wear a coat to school that day.


"The silver lining is that we are closer than ever. They are my world, and I couldn’t have done it without them."


We have a pretty good respect and understanding of each other now. They are 20 and 23 years old now and are still living at home. They both graduated and have amazing jobs. We are a tight family unit. We say I love you at the end of every phone call (they even say it to each other). If we don’t see each other everyday my kids check in with me and touch base; it’s not out of obligation, it’s out of love.



Cancer sucks and we survived it together. The silver lining is that we are closer than ever. They are my world, and I couldn’t have done it without them. I am a breast cancer warrior!"


If you would like to connect with Trina over a shared experience you can follower her on Instagram or Facebook and check out her business supplying Calgary and the surrounding area with super fun margarita kits!


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